
I live a spartan life. I don’t have more than I need. But at the same time I don’t do more than I should. You only get a couple of chances to get it just right and if you’re disorganized, tired or spoiled you’ll never get shit done. At the same time. Some people try new things. It’s scary sometimes. But innovation is important. People need to test their boundaries, within reason. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. This particular “Jack” however, believes that he has and will accomplish good things. The drug ecstasy has been scientifically hardwired to make you feel good and in “love.” Previously the only way to do that was good old-fashioned beauty. The beautiful, the aesthetically pleasing just feels right inside. The fact that I’m an artist and strive to make things that are beautiful makes me happy. It’s innate. I was born with this gift and I’ve studied and tried to develop it, but mostly it comes easy. But you don’t do it without searching inward. You don’t get to express yourself and make the world outwardly beautiful without searching deep inside yourself. And that’s where I’ve recently come to believe the I’m not alone. Everything I write for someone. My queen. Writing for my queen is not unlike writing or living for my country. That the fact that she exists is enough to get over the vast empty traps of loneliness which I once thought I needed money to fill. I love her and that’s enough. Everything I do is to try to tell her I love her. I’ve written hundred of pages. Drawn countless pictures and it leads me back to that fact. I love her and I’ll spend my life proving that I do. But does she love me? I’d like to think she does but I don’t know. The truth though is I think I’m getting close to discovering if she does. Who wouldn’t love a guy who who has devoted his whole existence to love you. I can’t prove it yet but I know if I can still make her smile I’ll have gotten somewhere. That if she smiles while reading this she’ll probably want me to continue doing it- well, she is my queen. So she’d probably tell me to get back to work painting a picture of how much I’ll always love her and why. She is of service to the Filipino people and she is as patriotic as she is beautiful and as beautiful because she’s patriotic. And so am I. So inspite of our differences we share the same soul. And while we look foreign we couldn’t be prouder to be pinoy. For queen and country. For her I write.
Dondi Katigbak
Jan 2025
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